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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26182882">Reader Insert: Back in Black Mesa</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephypsycologist/pseuds/Sephypsycologist'>Sephypsycologist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dog - Freeform, Gen, Panic Attacks, They/Them reader - Freeform, adding tags as they come up, nobody's neurotypical</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:06:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,311</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26182882</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephypsycologist/pseuds/Sephypsycologist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You're a recently started JUSTIN TV streamer, and you just recieved an e-mail with a mod for Half Life one on your VR set up. Didn't that guy, Gordon Freeman, get one of these too? But that was just a goofy rp stunt, not real life.</p><p> </p><p>Wasn't it?<br/>(rating is for the swears, cause whoooo boy they got some nice ones in the source material)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>94</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Things to see on Justin TV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’d seen what had happened to Gordon Freeman when he tried out a mod of Half-life on his stream. He’d been sucked into the game and sent on a ride, but that had to be acting right? surely...surely that wasn’t real, right?</p><p>And this message you just got in your inbox sounded a lot like the one he said he received.</p><p>But no, this is real life, there’s...there’s no way.</p><p>So, you boot up your stream equipment, adjusting cameras and lights before opening your account and starting your stream.</p><p>“Hey guys! Welcome back to the stream. We’re going to be playing Half Life one in VR today. I know, I know, not my usual fare, but hey, can you blame me trying it out? That Freeman guy was WAY popular when he did it and i bet most of you have a character you liked from that whole fiasco. Besides, it’s still a classic, even if it did take 25 years for the third game to come out.”</p><p>Your chat is small, maybe twenty people, but they all start listing favorite moments from the notorious stream. You were a fan of the whole “IT’S JUST BUGS” moment, yourself.</p><p>But anyway, you strap on your gloves, do the preliminary calibration of your in-game avatar to match your body, before putting the helmet on and starting the game.</p><p>You don’t even see the title screen before a jolt of pain shoots through your head and the whole world goes black.</p><p>---</p><p>The first thing you’re aware of is how cold your desk seems. Or you think it’s your desk, because where else would you have fallen that was a hard surface in your stream room? You had carpet.</p><p>But instead of sitting up in your game chair or being leaned over from standing, you are picking yourself up off the floor and...oh geeze.</p><p>“M-my hands?” You’re in the VR already, you can tell by the fact your hands don’t have glowing VR outline from pre-game launch, but you can FEEL with your hands, not just move them around. You feel the metallic pieces over your body, feel the weight of them, and as you go into your controls on instinct, flicking your wrist up to bring up the menu, you feel the hold differ on each weapon you scroll through.</p><p>“No...nonononono.” This cant’ be happening. Gordon couldn’t have...have been telling the truth.</p><p>Gasping, pushing down a panic attack, you run through the hallways that are sickeningly familiar from your time watching the stream until you see....two guards.</p><p>Please don’t ask me, please don’t ask me, you plead in your head as you instinctively look down. You aren’t going to make the same mistakes Gordon did. You are lucky; your suit is fully closed and not showing any sort of “slip”. </p><p>But still, as you pass the guards, you hear a voice, “hey, uh....can i see your passport?”</p><p>No.</p><p>No, that can’t be right.</p><p>Turning, you look at the guard and freeze. Benrey looks so much weirder in person than he does on screen. The normal guard model isn’t here, he’s got those teeth everybody draws him with, and the blue skin and yellow eyes and everything.</p><p>“Oh god, Benrey please...” you just whimper as you sink to your knees in your bright green HEV suit. You’d picked the color just to reference the weird portal lights in the original stream.</p><p>“whuh?” he questions, voice clearer here, too. Squatting down, he tilts his head, seeming genuinely confused. “how’d you know my name? you, uh, you stalking me?”</p><p>“No!” you can feel the shaking, the unstoppable flow of tears as your face heats and the heavy metal around your body closes in on your. “I-I’m not as s-strong as Freeman, please....please, I’ll get my passport just...just don’t...”</p><p>Every time Gordon had been shot, run over, smacked, or fallen went through your mind, your intense phobia of pain rearing its head as you stared into the increasingly confused face of Benrey. If you went forward with this, your arm would be cut off, painfully, by the military. You’d have to swim in sewage and kill people and fight aliens.</p><p>You could not do that.</p><p>To your surprise, Benrey got up and went to the other guard, “hey, dude, uh, this one’s freakin’ out so...stay here. gonna...gonna go play in the chao garden.” He came back and helped you to your feet, addressing you again, “i don’t...i dunno what’s up, bro, but....but uh, ‘m gonna take you to my buddy tommy. he’s more chill with...with panic attacks and stuff. i’m just a great cool gamer guard man. you game?”</p><p>It’s terrifying, what is happening to you, but you nod and answer wetly, “beat ff7 on the remake. h-hehe....”</p><p>“yooo, that’s rad!” he says, and then you hear it. that one note, and you’re surrounded in blue orbs. “this’ll....this’ll help you not like...explode or nothin’ til we see tommy. black mesa sweet voice, best move in the game, yo.”</p><p>Never in your life had you felt such relief so quickly as when the “calm down” orbs settled your racing mind.</p><p>You’re still shaking, but he’s holding onto your hand pretty solidly with his other arm around your shoulders. It seems, with everything you did different, Benrey decided you weren’t a problem so much as you HAD a problem. Thank god.</p><p>--</p><p>You reach the hallway and there is Tommy. He’s different in person, too, more hair, bright yellow eyes and shirt, but just as happy and soft as you always felt listening to him.</p><p>“Hey there! My.....B-benrey? What are you doing here? What’s wrong with them?” His cheery voice switches to worry as he steps over, and you can’t help sobbing anew.</p><p>“yo, tommy, this person just, uh, just came without a passport and broke down. total cringe moment for me, just...dunno how to fix it. you got some hacks?” Benrey transfers his hold on you to Tommy, who quickly leads you to the break room and retrieves a peach Fanta from the soda machine.</p><p>“This looks, um, like a panic attack, Benrey. Are, are you okay to talk, friend?” he asks, being very gentle with you as he sits in one of the chairs and guides you down in the one beside him.</p><p>But you can’t, you’re so overwhelmed your voice is gone, and it just makes your panic spike again.</p><p>Another dose of sweet voice, and Tommy pulls a note pad and pen out of his lab coat pocket, “Here! It’s okay to-to not be able to make words sometimes. Talking can be really hard, so...so take your time and write till you can talk again, okay?”</p><p>Of course Tommy would understand. Your friends always said you reminded them of him. So you wrote. “tommy, i can’t do the test today. i can’t fight people. i’m scared!”</p><p>“Oh! You’re the one who’s supposed to do the crystal test. But...b-but no, you definitely can’t do that if you’re panicking just from thinking about it.” He frowns, and then smiles, “Benrey?”</p><p>“whuh? huh?” the guard looks up and takes a second, “what’s up, man?”</p><p>“Could you go get Dr. Coomer from the lockers? He’s usually really good at figuring things out. I’ll stay here with our new friend to-to make sure they’re okay.” Tommy has his hand on your shoulder, and you quietly sip from your Fanta. It's peach, not your favorite, but the fact you can TASTE IT and feel the cold can in your hand is both grounding and resoundingly upsetting at the same time.</p><p>Benrey looked at you, and you could feel how much he didn’t want to leave, but.... “yeah, okay. just don’t....don’t let them steal anything. still haven’t got their passport...”</p><p>He walked off, and then Tommy asked softly, “Was Benrey the one who scared you? He’s....He’s pretty single minded about his job but....h-he won’t hurt you if you follow the rules. And I won’t let him even if you don’t.”</p><p>You wrote back frantically, “Tommy I’m not Gordon Freeman. I’m not strong like him, or brave, or anything! I can’t go through this!”</p><p>“Gor-” Tommy squinted for a moment, then his face went slack. “OH SHIT, we have to-to get your passport r-r-right now!”</p><p>He grabbed your hand and sprinted with you down the hallways, running into the room where Benrey was arguing with Dr. Coomer about something.</p><p>“What’s your name?” Tommy asked, and you told him, letting him scan the lockers till he found your last name, yanking open the door.</p><p>Inside was the passport, just like with Gordon, but instead of the picture of Joshua, there was a picture of your mother. You had to take very deep breaths to keep from screaming.</p><p>It wasn’t a game. It was real and you were stuck here until you could escape Black Mesa.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Gather the Troops</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>passport acquired!<br/>.<br/>..<br/>...<br/>now what?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Here,” Tommy gently pressed the document into your hand. “Show this to Benrey. I’ll handle e-everything else.” Seeing how pale your lips were, he frowned, then hugged you tight. “It’ll be o-okay, friend. W-we’re the science team! We can do any-anything!”</p><p>Reluctant, you stepped out of the hug when Tommy released you and held out your passport at Benrey, whose bright eyes hadn’t left you since you picked it up. “yo, man....that seriously you? you look, uh....look a bit shit in that photo, not gonna lie.”</p><p>You look at the photo and snort. It’s your school photo from years ago, the one you hated most. “Yeah, yeah I do.”</p><p>Agreement, that was something you knew Benrey didn’t get a lot of from Gordon. But he seemed to like it, grinning with his razors before gently shaking Dr. Coomer out of the repetition of what you now realize was the Wikipedia article for lockers. “old man, like, i get it, but we gotta, uh, gotta do stuff now.”</p><p>The white haired scientist shook his head, turning to you and lighting up, “HELLO PLAYER!” He called, then seemed confused. “I should know your name. Why don’t I? Hm...”</p><p>Tommy interjected as Benrey began circling you, tilting his helmet this way and that as he analyzed your form, “Dr. Coomer, w-we don’t know them yet. We’re supposed to be waiting for Mr. Freeman!”</p><p>“yo, feetman? where’d he go?” Benrey asked, suddenly more interested in what Tommy had to say than in you.</p><p>You watched as Dr. Coomer looked between them, then snapped his fingers, “Oh! that’s what I’ve been wanting to say! HELLO GORDON!” He grins, then slumps a bit, “Oh...but he’s not here. I still have to give him his interest playcoins.”</p><p>“Dr. Coomer?” you ask softly, almost afraid to speak up, “How did I end up here? Gordon finished the game. You guys should still be with him, but now you’re with me?”</p><p>The older gentleman chuckled, “Not to worry, Not-Gordon, we will figure this out. I do love a good puzzle! Let’s get Bubby and have a good ol’ chat about it.”</p><p>“least i don’t have to watch you. like i did him. you’ve got your passport,” Benrey still pushes you ahead of him and you squeak, rushing forward to hold onto Tommy’s sleeve.</p><p>Tommy moves so you can hold hands, and he swings his arm a bit, sunny smile in place, “We’ll be careful with you, I-I promise! Nobody will be doing any OSHA violations with me on the-the case!”</p><p>His presence was comforting, even if you were more than aware of his lack of gun-safety training. But there weren’t guns right now. At least besides the ones you could access.</p><p>The closer you get to the test chamber, the more tense you get, so you yelp when Benrey TELEPORTS in front of you and stands in the doorway, “dudes...these are the guys. i told you about them. not thinking about....about anything besides froot loops.”</p><p>The basic guards are unaffected, and the door opens behind Benrey with no other fanfare. Dr. Coomer laughs, “Well, I do love sugary cereal with colorful mascots. I prefer Frosted Flakes, though.”</p><p>“you would, old, old grampa man.” and then he’s gone, running ahead of you with that cackle that shook a nervous laugh out of you when it used to make you happy.</p><p>“Um...would...would petting Sunkist help you? He’s a good boy, and I-I always feel better when I pet him,” Tommy offers and you nod before he can even finish. Sunkist is immortal, and well trained. You’d pet the dang JPEG but you have a feeling things will be different for you in here.</p><p>“Okay. I’ll call for him once we find Bubby,” you’re getting close to his room, you think, but being so very near the test chamber is enough to make you jitter.</p><p>Your group enters the room with many scientists and you hear Bubby, “GOOD GRIEF! Not only are you late, but you brought an entourage. What kind of bastard are you?”</p><p>The yelling makes you flinch, and Dr. Coomer says helpfully as he takes hold of Bubby around the waist, pinning his arms, “Hello! We’re here to fetch you for a confab. We have to figure out how we help our new friend here and then get back to Gordon.”</p><p>“Gordon?” Bubby questions, his struggles against Coomer slowing until he’s finally released. “Wait. That’s right! Then why are you wandering around with that fucking idiot Benrey?!”</p><p>“bro, not cool.” Benrey hides behind you and blows a raspberry at Bubby. “came here tryin’ to be a great cool and you’re being mean. dr. mean man.”</p><p>“I live mean, and you tried to kill me! And everyone else!” Bubby huffs, waving his arms around and fire glinting off the tips of his fingers. “Someone explain this to me!”</p><p>Tommy takes a deep breath before he speaks, “Bubby, I know it was scary, but Benrey’s our friend. He only acted weird on Xen because it amplifies negative emotions. That’s why we felt so afraid and hopeless, otherwise it’d be pretty funny for Benrey to be so big, right? And, and fun to jump around like Moonshoes!”</p><p>“He has a point, Bubby.” Coomer takes a seat, and you follow suit, even if Benrey does leave and go sit on top of one of the other scientists who, for some reason, are not paying attention to your group. “I would have loved to see how my Power Legs did with the low gravity.”</p><p>“Well...I guess a little murder between friends isn’t that big a deal. And we didn’t die so we’re good for now. Maybe,” Bubby makes the hand sign for ‘i’m watching you’ toward Benrey, who is too busy tea bagging the scientist in mid-air to notice.</p><p>“Have,” Tommy looks at you hopefully, “Have you seen Mr. Freeman since my birthday party? Dr. Coomer tried to send him a message, but we’re not sure if he received it.”</p><p>“I have,” you say, closing your eyes to try and relax yourself, “Gordon Freeman is a streamer on Justin TV, like I am. I actually was...streaming myself doing this!”</p><p>“Good for him, he lived his dumb dream,” says Bubby.</p><p>“you’re streaming this, friend?” Benrey hops off the scientist and shuffles over, “you ever stream heavenly sword?”</p><p>“I haven’t yet,” you admit, “but I only heard of it through you talking about it to Gordon, so it took me a while to get hold of the game. I was planning on doing that next week.”</p><p>“nice,” the guard flops on the ground, just spread out all over. “m’gonna take a nap now. it’s boring without feetman here to bug. no offence, bro, but you’re too nice.”</p><p>“None taken,” you huff, very cautiously giving a pat to his helmet. You get a chuckle out of it.</p><p>“I hate to admit it,” Bubby isn’t looking at any of you, picking at the sole of his shoe, “but Gordon’s at least somewhat competent a leader.”</p><p>Tommy raised his hand, and Coomer gave him a nod to continue, “Mister....Mister Freeman might know what to do so we can get our friend out of here. But how do we tell him we-we need help? Oh,” he remembered something, then called out “SUNKIST!!!”</p><p>A woofing came, and you were suddenly bowled over by a large golden retriever.</p><p>“Good dog! Sunkist, you should let our friend up and sit with them. They’re, they’re very nervous.” Tommy giggled sweetly as Sunkist backed up and let you right yourself before laying his big head in your lap. You gently rub your hand down from his head to his shoulders, finally glad for your ability to touch things here. Even through your gloves, you felt how soft Sunkist’s fur was, how warm and strong the body beneath. Tommy had been more than right that Sunkist would make you feel better, and you murmur soft nonsense to the sweet pup.</p><p>“Can,” you’re nervous as you begin, “Can I ask why the other scientists don’t seem to notice us? They didn’t seem to really interact with Gordon, or you guys either.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Bubby says as he waves a hand at the folks near the computer in the corner, “Somehow we’ve woken up and have some personality. These goons are dull as dishwater and twice as boring.”</p><p>“guuuuuuuuys,” Benrey whines loudly, “unless you know something about games or how to talk to freeman, i don’t caaaaare.” You pat his helmet again, getting a grumpy hurmph and a heavy hand falling on your knee.</p><p>“Why are you asking me? I don’t know! It’s not like I have his phone number!” Bubby snaps in response.</p><p>Dr. Coomer said with a perk of his head, “Our friend is a streamer, though. Does that mean you and Gordon work in the same department?”</p><p>“N-no,” you giggle a bit at the idea. “We all work in our own homes, or in office spaces we rent with others in small groups. Gordon has no idea I exist. He’s far too popular to bother with me.” But an idea comes as you speak and feel the steady, gentle weight of Sunkist on your lap, “But maybe my chat could go raid him? He might be streaming now and if they would go talk to him about this....maybe he’d listen?”</p><p>The team nods, and Tommy questions, “Didn’t you say you were streaming before you came here? M-maybe they’re still listening!”</p><p>“Might as well try,” you take a deep breath, “Guys in the chat, if you can hear me, go find Gordon Freeman on here. Message him, donate, do anything you can to get his attention on this stream! We need his help or....or I might never get out of here.”</p><p>You could only hope that your words got through...and that Gordon was in a mood to listen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Live on Justin TV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>HELLO GORDON!!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Blackwater donated fifty bits and says....*sigh* hello gordon. Yes, hello, Blackwater.”</p><p>Gordon Freeman was glad he was getting donations on a basic stream, just playing Battle Cats and chatting with the people watching. At least they stuck with him even after the adventure with the Science Team ended.</p><p>“Anyway, so I don’t have a lot of free floating cash? So no gatcha rush today, sorry. Uh, did i gamble it all way? No!” Gordon laughs, “No, like, I have to save for bills and Joshie has to have a check up soon. No insurance gang, what up?”</p><p>He’s working through an Insane stage, spawning his cats and fighting the enemy, “Yeah, no, ChuckleBuckle, Joshie’s fine, it’s just his yearly.” The people who chatted with him during these things were usually very attentive to him and his son, so it was a feel good moment.</p><p>There was suddenly a notification, “Whoa, hey, we’re being raided by...? calmdaysgaming? new name to me, but welcome guys!”</p><p>There were only like...twenty more watchers, but it was nice to be raided. Meant someone else liked him enough to send their people over to watch.</p><p>Then the donations poured in.</p><p>“Ho ho hold it, um, lots of messages and donations! Uh, CamelSweater donated six dollars and says hey mr. freeman please go look where we came from they need your help? What can I do to help them?”</p><p>He read through the others quickly, “Um, Undertale4evar donated ten bucks and said we found your science team and they’re trying to escape again? What? BirdIsLife donated five dollars and said Days got stuck in the game too and they sent us to ask for help?”</p><p>“Guys!” his own chat was going nuts, yelling about the Science Team, “Guys, chill out or i’m making it subs only. Since you all were so nice as to donate, okay, we’ll put Battle Cats on pause and I’ll check their stream in my second monitor. If this is a prank, I’m blocking them and all of you guys, just can’t have a precedent for people acting like they found my buddies when they’re goofing off instead.”</p><p>The messages calmed down, and Gordon sighed as he switched his focus. Joshua could be heard in the background, squealing and laughing about something. “Spongebob must have a new song. Guess I’ll be hearing that for the next few weeks.”</p><p>It wasn’t that he didn’t want to find the Science team. Gordon had flipped his shit when he’d seen that the files for the game were gone after he’d been spending HOURS working on little shimeji bodies for his friends. He was no artist, but his ill made visuals would have to do until he could scrape the funds together to commission someone.</p><p>Losing his friends had been devastating, especially as Coomer’s words in that final message ran through his mind, but Gordon had been trying to continue his normal life anyway, for Joshua’s sake. But he still got little hands on his face sometimes and that tiny voice asking, “Daddy is sad?”</p><p>He’d been so glad that whole fiasco at Black Mesa was only a few hours in the real world. Yeah, Joshie had been hungry and worried because he hadn’t responded but his son was okay and neither of them had ended up hurt. Well, physically. Gordon still had nightmares about losing his hand and Xen.</p><p>But as CalmDaysGaming came up on his monitor, he froze. The Slick model was wearing a propeller hat, he could hear Dr. Coomer reciting the Wikipedia article for chairs again, and there was BENREY sitting UPSIDE DOWN on the computer wall in the background, in that hole he’d seen Bubby through. And the VR player looked down in their lap and started petting a JPEG of a golden retriever, cooing to ‘Sunkist’ while Bubby complained about being bored just waiting around for him. Their voices were all the same, their tone the same, even Dr. Coomer suddenly gliching out his dialogue and yelling “HELLO PLAYER” sounded the same....except the voice answering back wasn’t his.</p><p>“Guys?!” he yelped as he turned back to his stream, “I’m gonna go get Joshie because this is going to take a lot longer than I planned. Stay tuned here so you can hear me, but I’m going to be watching their stream because they may have actually found the Science team.”</p><p>Rushing into the other room after throwing off his headphones, he asked, “Hey, buddy. Um, Daddy’s gonna stream for longer than he planned. You wanna come watch TV with me while I work?”</p><p>A happy giggle and Joshua shot up, hugging his legs, “Yes! It’s more fun with you!”</p><p>Gordon picked up his son and smiled, the racing of his heart slowing as he went back into the stream room, getting his boy set up to have fun with some toys and games with the TV on with low volume. “Okay, champ. I’m going back to work, but I’ll be right here if you need me.”</p><p>“Okay, Daddy. I love you!” he got a kiss on the cheek before setting Joshie down and signed back his love before going back to his chair.</p><p>“Okay. Uh, lots of chair worship in the chat, that’s good, and...oh wow, guys. Let me feature this on mine, hang on.” Gordon drug the window and exited out of the phone display program. “Look! Is there any way we can communicate with them in there?”</p><p>The chat spewed ideas, and then Gordon caught a message, “CamelSweater, you think maybe donating something might work? Somebody try it.”</p><p>--</p><p>You sighed as Bubby started chasing Benrey around  with fireballs just to get the pressure out as they waited to see if Gordon could help.</p><p>Suddenly, you heard the Super Mario 64 star sound and a glowing message appeared from your wrist, “OH! Um, 5dragonstars donated a dollar and says Gordon’s here. Gordon’s here!”</p><p>Everyone stopped and Dr. Coomer crowed as he stood up, “HELLO GORDON! Oh it feels so good to say that again and know you’re listening, my boy!”</p><p>“Gordon, get your ass in here so we can actually have fucking fun and not have to be namby pamby babies!”</p><p>Tommy gave your shoulder a pat as you flinched from Bubby’s angry swearing, and said, “Hello Mr. Freeman, we-we were hoping you’d come.”</p><p>“FEETMAN!” Benrey yelled, teleporting out of the way of Bubby’s ire. “Brooo, you fucking ditch me and then come because some chicken hat gets in trouble? not cool, man.”</p><p>--</p><p>Gordon looked at his camera, laughing nervously, “Oh my god, it’s them. Why is Benrey there? Yes, guys, I see your emotes, i know you guys ship us, shut up. Oh my god....”</p><p>He scrubbed a hand over his face, groaning, “Okay, so the donation is a go, but writing in the chat is not. Here I go on a direct line.”</p><p>--</p><p>You squeak at the star noise, “Gordon Freeman donated a dollar and says Hey Science Team, missed you guys. Not you, Benrey. Let’s figure out how to get them out of there.”</p><p>“dude, seriously?” Benrey shuffled over and looked at the message, head on your shoulder to read it. “gordon, dude....i thought we were pals. uuuuuuuuugh.”</p><p>You now have a pouty guard clinging to you in a very awkward way. “i let you kill me and everything, just...just to show i didn’t wanna be baaaaaaad, but you didn’t care. like...that hurts dude.”</p><p>“Uh....” you don’t know what else to do, you pat Benrey’s hand, “If it makes you feel better, you did fix his dick slip so fast he didn’t even know it was there and neither did anybody besides your guard buddy.”</p><p>“you get it. my good friend, chicken hat, gets me. epic win moments 64,” he mumbles into your shoulder.</p><p>Bubby cackles as Dr. Coomer looks into the middle distance, “Now, Gordon, it’s not nice to leave your dick out for other people to see unless they consented first. That’s irresponsible kinkery and I....HELLO GORDON.”</p><p>--</p><p>He’s banging his head on the desk.</p><p>“Guyyys, I hear all those donations, I am not reading them. I DIDN’T SEE IT! I TOLD YOU THAT! CALMDAYS JUST SAID I DIDN’T NOTICE!”</p><p>This is why he was always frustrated, he remembers now. The Science team are amazing friends to have, but OH LORD they are infuriatingly unpredictable and liked embarrassing him from left field.</p><p>“Daddy?” says Joshua, looking up from where he was patting Gordon’s knee.</p><p>“Sorry. Sorry, Joshie, I just got frustrated. The internet people are bullying me. Save me, Lone Ranger Joshua!” his little boy giggled as Gordon tickled him, making him squirm for a moment.</p><p>“Be nice to my daddy! Bullying is mean!” he finally squeaks when the tickle time is over.</p><p>“Good work, hon. Go play now and I’ll try not to yell anymore, okay?”</p><p>“And you won’t hit your head anymore, too?” he asks, warm squishy fingers touching the red spot on Gordon’s forehead, just under his bangs.</p><p>“I won’t hit my head, no. Daddy shouldn’t do that anyway. Thanks for the reminder, Joshie,” He pushes the boy away, and he’s more than happy to watch his son toddle back to his toys and television before going back. “Okay, guys. Yeah, remind me when I get too upset to take some breaths, alright? We don’t wanna upset Joshua with this.”</p><p>Gordon settled back into his thoughts, and watched the stream....until he got an idea.</p><p>--</p><p>“No, that’s-that’s not how it works!” Tommy whimpered the statement as he tried to explain flight physics to Bubby. They were talking about their departments, since you’d asked to know a little more about them all. “The center of mass and the-the center of lift have to be as close as possible! I’m literally a rocket scientist, I know these things!”</p><p>Benrey was till hanging off your back, also, but you didn’t mind. At least he was being quiet....and was keeping you cool even when your anxiety spiked when the non-aware scientists moved. You hated that you tended to overheat when upset, but that wasn’t a problem at the moment. Sunkist was helping with that, too, making sure you had something to ground yourself with.</p><p>Another star noise, and you read the message, “Gordon Freeman donated a dollar and says let’s figure out how to open discord so we can talk.”</p><p>“What’s discord? Other than people who fucking hate each other?” Bubby sneers.</p><p>“It’s a computer program that lets people talk or video call over the internet,” you get in your menu and....yes! There’s the discord button! “and it’s how we’re going to be able to get Gordon’s help more easily!”</p><p>The same blue-light display that was your donation feed switched to show your discord, empty and lonesome as it was, other than the few big groups you lurked in. Fandom chats mostly.</p><p>You read out your number to Gordon, and in a moment you recieve a friend request, accepting it once you see that it’s really him.</p><p>Opening a private call, you hear the ringing of the phone, and the Science team gather around you eagerly, surprisingly quiet. You feel Benrey’s arms tense before releasing as Gordon’s voice comes over the line.</p><p>“Hey guys! Uh, guess this is our next adventure, huh?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Tunnel Vision</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nice times for reader.<br/>not.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon looked over the note file he had open on the side of the window.</p><p>“Okay, so CalmDays is a...oh geeze, why did you even want to play this game on stream? You’re a family channel, look at all this NINTENDO oh my god.”</p><p>“I just...” you squeaked, blushing and sinking under Benrey’s continued weight against your back. “I just really liked watching your playthrough and wanted to see what would happen if I was here. I didn’t think it would be real.”</p><p>Well, that was just cute and made him feel like an ass for getting on your case about it.</p><p>“Okay, yeah. I can see that happening, in a roundabout way because I was NOT having a good time for most of that,” Gordon gives a deep sigh, “and you’re not either. Because I can’t see any way around this without at least getting to Darnold’s lab, if not all the way through Xen.”</p><p>“What?!” your panic is spiking again and Sunkist whines in your lap, crawling up till you’re laying backward, head on Benrey’s chest as he’s gone full perpendicular on the floor. His heartbeat is super slow. Like....you can count between beats for a while. Weird mind focus, back to the situation. “GORDON, I can’t go that far! I don’t know what’s scripted and I can FEEL THINGS.”</p><p>Dr. Coomer makes a shooing motion to Tommy, who scoots closer to you and Benrey, “I-It’ll be okay! Maybe we can-can go first and clear out the dangerous things for you...like th-the creatures after the cascade? And since, um, since Benrey’s in on this, we won’t have to fight him!”</p><p>“yeah,” the mentioned guard pinches your nose shut suddenly, making you scramble at his hand and interrupting your train of thought (a good thing) “you’re my little chicken hat now, mario simp. i’m not gonna be bad if it means you get fuckin’ upset all over the place. don’t want, uh, don’t want your tear stains on my scorecard.”</p><p>“I like Luigi better,” you say as he releases your nose.</p><p>“luigi simp. green chicken hat bro. gonna vacuum that mansion in bed,” Benrey is loving this, and you’re feeling better just hearing how ridiculous he sounds.</p><p>Tommy smiled, “I-I like Mario Sunshine. It’s s-so nice and tropical. Plus, you can ride Yoshi! All-all colorful and fruity! It’s like he’s made of soda!”</p><p>“You’re all pansies. God of War or nothing!” Bubby smirks, “Unless you want even more gratuitous violence. Then we go to Doom!”</p><p>“I don’t really care for anything other than Punch Out on the Nintendo Entertainment System,” Dr. Coomer adds, “But at least Mario can stomp on those ruffians. That’s something.”</p><p>“Guys, we’re getting off topic,” Gordon chimes back in, rubbing his eyes as he reads the chat. “Okay, so I’ll walk you through since I know what’s scripted. I played this game before I went in so I know the real story beats.”</p><p>Dr. Coomer perks up, “Does that mean we can do the test now? I’d love another light show.”</p><p>You are shaking now, despite Sunkist’s best efforts, and you swallow thickly. “Gordon, do we have to?”</p><p>On the outside, Gordon uses his softest voice, “I’m afraid so. Don’t worry, I’m going to be with you the entire way. I have a map of Black Mesa up on the second monitor, along with some notes. We’ll...we’ll jump sharks as we reach them, okay?”</p><p>“dude,” Benrey piped up, “jumping sharks is a bad thing.”</p><p>“It sounded good at the time,  Benrey. Let’s just....just go blow up Black Mesa, okay?” Gordon growled in frustration, but it made you laugh to hear Gordon called out on his misuse of idioms.</p><p>--</p><p>Well, the test chamber was a lot bigger in person. And oh that ladder up to the button was TERRIFYING. No no no, you couldn’t....</p><p>“Gordon, I’m stuck,” you swallow hard as you look down the ladder, trying not to throw up with how afraid you are of it.</p><p>“Huh? Just....climb down. You climbed up there fine...” he says, and your eyes are leaking again, burning from the puffiness and redness that always happened. It was like you were allergic to your tears. </p><p>“I’m afraid of heights....” you whimper, and Benrey looks up at you from the floor far below.</p><p>“dude, i totally got you. like, i can catch you if you slip. all good, big achievement potential.”</p><p>As much as you wanted to trust Benrey, it wasn’t that which made you attempt it. It was remembering how ashamed you were in second grade when you climbed up the high dive but couldn’t jump off and couldn’t climb down. That and Gordon asking, “Is it really that bad, though?”</p><p>You were having hot and cold flashes as you made your way down PAINFULLY slowly, unable to force your limbs to go any faster.</p><p>It was enough that when you felt Benrey take gentle hold of your waist once you were in range, you almost blacked out. Tunnel vision overcame you to the point you could barely hear him. “yo, friend? hey, you’re lips’re blue. humans aren’t supposed ta do that. hey...”</p><p>Something was said over the intercom, and someone was helping Benrey take you back into another room. You distantly heard Gordon freaking out, and felt something cool be placed on your head. It helped, a little, and you were able to hear a little better.</p><p>“it’s not like i didn’t see what feetman did last time. just keep them down til i can get back.”</p><p>“Benrey, be careful. I don’t know what’s going to happen to a non-player doing this,” Gordon was talking. He sounded really upset; you must have scared him pretty bad.</p><p>Little mario jingles kept going off, probably folks wanting to talk, and Tommy was reading them out, “AGentleSong donated ten dollars and said keep them still for a moment and they’ll be fine. Todaytacos donated six dollars and said Gordon stay calm, you didn’t know, you two just met.”</p><p>Bubby was nearby, mumbling, “Dear God, and here I was thinking they were just being a baby. They’re a fucking orchid, wilting at the slightest disturbance. Harold, we’re going to be on a very long escort mission this next little while.”</p><p>“Yes, Bubby, I know,” Your head was apparently in Dr. Coomer’s lap, or at least resting on his shoes. You could feel the hard leather on the back of your scalp and his warm, wrinkled hands patting your head. “But Gordon got us through last time, and I believe it’s time we return the favor somewhat. I - Hello, Gordon!”</p><p>“Hey, Dr. Coomer,” Gordon said before-</p><p>BOOM!</p><p>The crystal must have reacted, and Benrey was dashing back and pulling everybody down on the far right side of the console, you felt your body get yanked but couldn’t really move just yet.</p><p>You hated it when you passed out. You never went fully under, or at least you don’t think you do, but your limbs are like big sand bags for what feels like forever even once you can hear people properly again. Now it was rather scary, with the explosions and electricity noises, and you tunnel out again.</p><p>--</p><p>Gordon was doing breathing exercises. Wow, it’d been a while since he’d had to calm himself that way, not since Joshie was born. This was the best technique to do while Joshua was in the room, so he didn’t know quite so accutely that his father was having a panic attack because he’d just caused a friendly little streamer to pass out from fear.</p><p>“Mr. Freeman,” Tommy called, and Gordon flicked his eyes up to the screen, “Um, I-I know this is...not, ideal or or nice but at least this part is over. They won’t ha-have to deal with really high places for a while.”</p><p>“Tommy...ugh,” Gordon blinks slowly as he thinks, “How are we getting them through the puzzles? Climbing up the elevator shafts? The box jumping room?”</p><p>“Oh....oh no....” Tommy wilted a little.</p><p>Bubby was cleaning his glasses, “Well, Gordon, all I can say is that we’re fucked. They sure as hell aren’t you, and I don’t know if we’ll be able to make up for that.”</p><p>“dude,” Benrey side eyed Bubby for a moment, “we know they’re a chicken hat. but we got gordon on the phone so...good enough? we’re big strong chads, get all tha....the video girls. or boys, or whatever you’re into.”</p><p>“I think we should move on, even if we do have to carry our new friend,” Dr. Coomer stood up and hefted the unconscious streamer over his shoulder. “Come along now, Science Team. We’ll  get as far as we can before we have to stop for the night. Make sure to look out for.....and soda!”</p><p>Tommy and the others stood up and followed Dr. Coomer, while Gordon just added, “Just remember to be careful, guys. I don’t want them getting head crabbed or anything.”</p><p>Now Gordon remembered why he’d had such a bad time at Black Mesa.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Silo D</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>bonding, reveals, and coffee</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You learned a lot as you slowly regained consciousness while slung over Dr. Coomer’s shoulder.</p><p>One thing you learned is that bodies are disgusting. Your group passed many corpses, some sporting head crabs and exposed innards, some with gunshot wounds, and some whose deaths you couldn’t fathom. They were just lying on the ground, dead. The alien corpses were more interesting to look at but also hideous. The multi-eyed “Peeper Puppies” along with infinite headcrabs and bizarre things that were somewhere between human and insect....you hated them all.</p><p>Another thing you learned is that it’s very easy to get dizzy being held in the way you are. Then again, maybe that was just your horror at the rampant death and gore.</p><p>Mostly, you just learned that you cry at the sound of gunshots now.</p><p>“Guys, our friend is-is awake enough to cry! We need to stop!” Bless Tommy. Bless his crazy gun-shooting little body.</p><p>You find yourself at the coffee station Gordon learned about Sunkist at, and Dr. Coomer gently sits you against the wall.</p><p>“Hello, Player! You’ve been unconscious for quite a while,” Dr. Coomer said, sitting a little distance away from you.</p><p>Tommy pressed some buttons on the Coffee machine, then sat out cups for everyone, slowly filling them. You didn’t drink coffee normally, but you threw back the barely warm bean juice just to feel something.</p><p>“You...you look pale,” Tommy says softly, “You really....really don’t play violent video games a lot, huh?”</p><p>“No, Tommy,” you choke out as more overwhelmed tears come out.</p><p>“Oh, oh no. D-Don’t cry!” He curls up at your side and pulls you into a hug, frowning. “Guys, they....they need help. Can we maybe blindfold them to-to stop the violence getting through?”</p><p>“Violence is just life when you’re with us,” Bubby said, and you laugh hopelessly, not even able to stop yourself from letting it turn into sobs. “God, I never thought someone so soft would ever come into Black Mesa. Fucking sad, that’s what it is.”</p><p>“It’s not like it was their choice, professor Bubby,” Says Dr. Coomer as Tommy starts to gently rock you and you see Benrey catch a random pigeon with his bare hands.</p><p>“Doctor.”</p><p>“Professor”</p><p>“Doctor!”</p><p>“guys,” it was like you blinked and Benrey changed positions. He was still holding the pigeon. “can we, uh....can we like do one of those jump things? like do you want me to open like....a short cut or something?”</p><p>Coomer looked at him, and Bubby asked, “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“i can call my...my little brother and get him to open the way and shit.” Benrey said, dropping the pigeon and the poor thing bounced as if it was a rubber ducky.</p><p>“You have a brother, Benrey?” Tommy asked, confused.</p><p>You couldn’t hear Gordon, but maybe he was taking care of his son right now.</p><p>“uh  yeah....didn’t you guys meet him? he said you met him...wait do you guys remember the bank thing or no?” and you shiver. You remember. All cops are bastards, payday 2, tommy was caught in the white house.</p><p>“Yes! It was very painful getting shot at all those times,” Bubby nods, and Dr. Coomer joins him.</p><p>“I got to meet Sonic the Hedgehog!” Tommy seems excited.</p><p>“yeah, you talked to my brother, remember? my brother forzen?” Benrey blinked at everybody.</p><p>“FORZEN IS YOUR FUCKING BROTHER?!?” Bubby yelled and you shrank against Tommy’s chest. Where was Sunkist? You didn’t know.</p><p>“yeah, but do you blame me for not saying?” Benrey sits on a barrel nearby, “didn’t wanna claim a fuckin’....fuckin’ bootboy. but yeah. black mesa got me and the military got, uh, got forzen.”</p><p>Gordon’s voice comes over discord, “Wait, what are we talking about Forzen for? We won’t see him for a long time.”</p><p>“dude, he’s my brother. i can call him and have him open the silo for us,” Benrey grins as Gordon splutters.</p><p>“HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? SINCE WHEN? WHAT?”</p><p>“That’s what I said!” Bubby’s looking incensed about this.</p><p>“I’ll,” you choke out, “I’ll do anything to get out of here faster. Call him.”</p><p>“Didn’t he, uh, didn’t he shoot you though? Forzen?” Tommy asks with hesitation to Benrey.</p><p>“yeah but...he knew i’d respawn so there wasn’t...he didn’t mean anything by it,”</p><p>“Oh,” That seemed to be enough for Tommy. “Okay, just don’t, um, don’t let him hurt our new friend. Or...or cut off their hand or anything. Like what happened to Mr. Freeman.”</p><p>“sure. no hand, uh, hand drop offs. not allowed.”</p><p>It took both Tommy and Dr. Coomer to get you to your feet, but you made it, and held tight to Tommy’s hand as your group continued down the hallways of Black Mesa.</p><p>“Benrey, HOW did you manage to let that information escape you last time? That could have helped us! We could have skipped a LOT of stupid stuff. You wouldn’t have gotten cut in half by the fire door!” Gordon was not letting this go, and you just wanted things to be quiet. Nothing was quiet in Black Mesa.</p><p>“uhm, well, feetman,” Benrey sounded irritated, a few black to blue notes of sweet voice coming out, “i didn’t know he’d be here. haven’t, uh, haven’t talked to him for...for years and shit. disowned him. yeah. but he still like...calls me and stuff. tries to friend me on, on his xbox even though it’s lame.”</p><p>“IS THAT why he was able to make it so far in the facility?! Cause he’s some kind of alien like you?”</p><p>“yeah, and it’s why he got out and was, was hacking into your little bank adventure. you’re lucky he kinda likes darnold or potion bro wouldn’t, uh, wouldn’t have made it out. my brother’s stupid but...he kinda tries to be not shit tier sometimes.”</p><p>“I, for one,” Dr. Coomer interjects, “think this is a lovely plan. Use the military against themselves. At least while there still IS a military.”</p><p>You’re suddenly scooped up and dashed away with by a cackling Benrey while Tommy yells “RACE!”</p><p>--</p><p>“DON’T!” you and Gordon scream at the same time.</p><p>One of the security guards was standing on the stairs and Dr. Coomer had been crouching up to him.</p><p>Everybody stops, and Gordon pleads, “We did this last time, Coomer! Don’t punch him, please. Especially since our Calmdays is here. They’ve seen enough destruction, okay? Please? Don’t make them have PTSD like me.”</p><p>“Mr. Freeman, you, you have ptsd? from us?” Tommy sounded horrified.</p><p>“Uh...not...not you specifically, Tommy. It’s more just...everybody but us dying and getting shot at and attacked by aliens and the hand thing and...Black Mesa in general.”</p><p>“Oh my,” Dr. Coomer stood up and got away from the clueless guard who was still babbling on. “Gordon, that’s a serious mental condition. I do hope you’re seeing someone about it.”</p><p>“Yeah? And what would I tell the therapist? Oh yeah, I got sucked into a video game and trapped in an alien invasion simulation complete with military cover-up? I had to fight a giant security guard with singing skeletons and Playcoins?”</p><p>You realize you’re probably going to have some of the same issues once you get out and feel your breath get short.</p><p>“Gordon, shut up! Your pessimism is upsetting the chicken hat!” Bubby surprisingly looks worried and pats your shoulder. “Don’t worry. Once we all get out of the game, we’ll force a therapist to listen to both of you. At gunpoint, if necessary.”</p><p>“That’s,” you hiccup when you try to laugh at the absurdity of that statement, “That’s not how therapy works, Bubby, but thank you.”</p><p>‘It’s how it’ll work for us,” Bubby nods decisively.</p><p>“No, no, my therapist will listen. She’s really nice,” you say, not wanting your very good therapist to get threatened by the Science team. Ever.</p><p>“You have one?” Gordon sounded surprised.</p><p>“Yeah. I didn’t get diagnosed with my autism till I was in my twenties, so it was causing me a lot of anxiety and depression because I didn’t know why I couldn’t handle things other people could. It took me having daily panic attacks over my bully of a boss to get tested and find out. So before that I was seeing my therapist and she’s great.” It feels good to share the story. You hadn’t ever told your chat this, even.</p><p>Lots of star sounds are happening and Tommy reads them, “ColossalApe donated ten dollars and said Oh wow, that’s harsh, friend. glad you found a good one. MercuryVenusPerth donated sixteen bits and said Neurodivergents unite. StarRoadsign donated-” and the list goes on for a while.</p><p>Coomer sneaks up next to you crouching and whispers, “Good for you, friend. show them all how wonderful you are.” You feel your heart lift and squeeze. It makes you think of Undertale, but this is not a bad time. Not right now anyway.</p><p>Gordon talks over Tommy reading more notifications, “Days that’s....geeze. Hey, do you live in Maine? Cause if your therapist is in Maine, I’m calling her. I need somebody who listens for once.”</p><p>“Uh no...I live in Kansas,” you frown, “I didn’t know you lived in Maine?”</p><p>“Well, yeah, I try not to say too much about where I live but....yeah, Maine. It’s why some winters I can’t stream. Snow breaks our internet,” Gordon laughs as the notifications stop. You imagine they’re all on Gordon’s channel flipping out about him living in Maine.</p><p>--</p><p>Most of the trip to the Silo D door was spent discussing rates of snowfall in you and Gordon’s various states, getting the definition of turbulence from Wikipedia, and trying not to vomit about all the bodies.</p><p>Benrey had apparently texted Forzen at some point, because he said, “bootboy says he’ll open the doors for us if i stand in front. so.....probably gonna get shot or something. might wanna....wanna not stand near me at that point.”</p><p>“What?!” your poor heart just was not doing well with anything right now. “No. No no no, nobody gets shot. Nobody dies. Against the rules.”</p><p>This got a snort from Gordon and a shrug from Benrey, “dude, i’ll just....just get up after. s’not a big deal for me. not a...squishy human like you. or feetman.”</p><p>“I repel bullets with my power lungs!” Dr. Coomer pipes up, and you sigh softy, trying to get back to normal breathing.</p><p>“Uh...maybe you should just kind of turn your head when we get there, Days....” Gordon says gently, and you nod. It was going to be hard, but you’d do it; at least you were pretty sure Benrey would be fine.</p><p>Still as you approached the door, with the Science Team hiding with you behind a corner as Benrey went ahead, you shook.</p><p>Bubby was the one closest to you, and even though he said nothing, the fact his arm drew itself around your shoulder made you feel supported. Bubby was a jerk, and very pompous, but he did at least want you to make it through this.</p><p>The door started opening and you heard Benrey talk, “yo, you did it, bro. super pog. what’s up?”</p><p>There wasn’t an answer, unless machine gun fire counted. You still heard the flatline noise, though faintly, and hid your face in Bubby’s lab coat. He whispered softly, “fuck the troops. especially that one.”</p><p>Before anybody could do anything, Forzen called to all of you, making you recognize how similar his voice was to Benrey’s, “All of you guys down there can come out now. Just my stupid brother I wanted to shoot. I get that we’re doing this mess over again and I’m bored doing the same shit. At least you guys do stuff. Let’s move.”</p><p>Dr. Coomer stepped out and called, “Only if you put that gun away, my good bitch!”</p><p>“What? oh, right,” Forzen put his gun away, you could hear the sound of it, and you, Tommy, and Bubby came out. Bubby still held tight to you and glared at the soldier. “Oh hey. That’s not Freeman at all. Dude, they’re super small.”</p><p>“You never seen a short person before, asshole?” Bubby responded, and Forzen laughed. His laugh was just mean. It wasn’t crazy and free like Benrey’s. You didn’t like it.</p><p>“F-Forzen, you....you got to promise you’re not gonna do mean things to them. We’re....We’re just trying to get them out of here. You did mean things to....to Mr. Freeman last time and it really messed us up,” Tommy approached Forzen first, letting you and Bubby take the rear and thus be farthest if something happened.</p><p>“I know how this is going down, Tommy,” Forzen huffed, crossing his arms. He was real beat up from what you could tell, scars and scuffs all over his skin. Not as pale as Benrey, but also a lot more human passing. Maybe he had different powers? “You dudes are fun to mess with, but you always win in the end. No point trying to stand in your way when even stupid Benrey is willing to help. And he’ll be back here bugging me in no time so yeah. Let’s go, promise not to hurt the weenie.”</p><p>Bubby pulled you along with him with a very stern, “Don’t you dare look down!” as he ran after the others. You didn’t. You don’t think you could handle looking at Benrey being dead, even if it was just temporary.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. TIME TO SLEEP</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>first night on the floor, what horrors will it commit? (answer none)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You were relying very much on the rest of the science team to support you. Forzen was running ahead with the others, and you stayed in the back, talking to Gordon and trying to come up with a plan.</p><p>It was getting late, though, your stream had been running for hours, and you wanted to sleep.</p><p>“Gordon? Is there a safe space anywhere near here? I can’t stay awake much longer.”</p><p>Looking at the clock on the wall, then back at Joshua who had fallen asleep on the small love seat in his streaming room, Gordon sighed, “Yeah, there’s one ahead a little ways, and it’s pretty late. It’s about midnight here. That’s eleven for you, right? When do you usually sleep?”</p><p>“I take my medicine at ten thirty then go to bed after about an hour. Shoot, there’s no way for me to take my medication like this. I’m going to be thrown off so bad when I get back.”</p><p>Frowning, Gordon leaned back in his chair, “What meds are you going to be missing? Is it going to be really bad or just...not fun?”</p><p>“My anxiety ones, mainly but there's at least three more that'll be off sync by morning...” you groan as you realize just how bad you’ve messed up by getting stuck here.</p><p>“Ooh, ouch. yeah, not good,” Gordon hisses through his teeth. “We’ll try to hurry this up tomorrow. Just so you know, the game continues while you’re asleep. I don’t think it did that when I was there, but you passed out and the guys were still going so that’s news.”</p><p>“Oh, alright. I thought as much when I came to being carried,” you step on and find the team crowded into the “this man injected me with drugs!” hallway. At this point you aren’t sure if these places are in the same order that Gordon found them or are different, but you’re too exhausted to care.</p><p>Tommy and the guys seem to have gotten rid of the...evidence, somehow (most likely by dumping them in the elevator shaft) so you’re glad to not see anything disturbing for once. “Guys?” you ask, and the team turns from where Bubby was tagging the wall, “I need to go to sleep and so does Gordon. Would it be okay if we took a break here?”</p><p>Forzen rolled his eyes, but Dr. Coomer said brightly, “Gordon, I’m tired. A break is a brilliant idea.”</p><p>You hear the warm laugh from Gordon on the other end. “It’s a lot funnier that he keeps saying that when you’re in there and not me.”</p><p>“I know what I’m saying, young man,” Coomer sits on the floor, “And unfortunately, I can’t say our new friend’s name for some reason, so I say yours. I’m much more at-” he pauses for a moment, “my clones and I are separated in the mind. Oh phooey, I glitched again.” Pouting Coomer is funny. You smile.</p><p>“Well, we should try to sleep, so...goodnight.” Bubby lays down, and Gordon snorts. You’re guessing he sees it as ragdolling but you much prefer seeing them lay down nicely.</p><p>“Goodnight, Bubby,” you say, and then Dr. Coomer lays down as well, “Goodnight, Dr. Coomer.”</p><p>Tommy pats your shoulder before finding a place for himself, laying down, “Goodnight, new friend! S-sweet dreams and puppy kisses!”</p><p>“Sweet dreams and puppy kisses to you, too, Tommy,” you have to keep from laughing then. That was so cute. It was no wonder everyone loved Tommy.</p><p>Your gaze turned to Forzen as Tommy curled up on himself, “Are you going to sleep, Forzen?”</p><p>“Frozen,” Gordon said, and you snorted.</p><p>“No,” the soldier was cross legged on the floor, back to a corner by some file cabinets. “Team Nice doesn’t sleep.”</p><p>“why do you say that? i sleep. sleepin’s fun,” you hear Benrey and jump a bit, turning to find a skeleton standing in the doorway.</p><p>“We aren’t supposed to sleep, idiot!” Forzen yelled as said bones walked in and sat down on the desk near the broken window. “and you’re supposed to wait till all of you regenerates, not just...walk around bones and shit.”</p><p>“these guys don’t care if you’re bones. they’re chill. unlike you,” Benrey skeleton says, turning his skull to you. “hey.”</p><p>“Hey, Benrey,” you say softly. “We’re sleeping now, um...if you want to join?”</p><p>“nah. i’m gonna,” he smacked his lips somehow without having any, “gonna watch boot boy. make sure he doesn’t do a violence to ya.”</p><p>“God, you’re so rude,” Forzen growls, but you feel a bit better knowing someone was going to look out for you while you slept. Even if it was Bone-ry.</p><p>“Okay then. Goodnight, Forzen. Goodnight, Benrey.” You curl up on the floor and say, “Goodngiht stream, and goodnight, Gordon.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Days. I’ll be back in the morning,” came Gordon’s voice, tired but decisive. “Sleep well.”</p><p>“You too,” You murmur, and Benrey calls out, “NIGHT FEETMAN!”</p><p>It lets you laugh as you close your eyes.</p><p>--</p><p>“Why are you doing this, Benrey?” Forzen gestured at the sleeping science team. “Especially that crybaby in the green suit. Nobody’d miss them.”</p><p>“dude, don’t insult chicken hat. they’re cool. they’re a great cool, big nice person,” Benrey skeleton shot out some sweet voice at Forzen (golden like an ice cream cone means leave them alone)</p><p>Grunting, Forzen adjusted his shoulder, “still using your sweet voice like a baby. Grow up, Benrey, you don’t even do anything real here. You’re just following these goons around to do dumb shit.”</p><p>“oh, like you’re a big man? hot shot? cause you lick boots?” the skeleton hopped down and crouched over, shuffling till it was next to your position, “you’re the one wasting everybody’s time bro. just...just fucking leave. big government doesn’t, doesn’t want you, need you. sends you out alone. lonelyman.”</p><p>“It’s an honor to be a solo op! I’m stronger than any normal human so I get to be by myself. I don’t have to bow down to nerds all day like you.”</p><p>“don’t bow. they have to listen to me. passports or gtfo. big man benrey. protect, uh, protect all the little science guys. Bill Nye’s personal bodyguard.” Benrey sat down, his bones scraping on the floor even as bits of muscle began to reappear.</p><p>“Ugh, you’re so gross. Regenning in public, like a pervert,” Forzen sneered at his brother just getting more angry. “And you said you sleep? How the fuck? Our species doesn’t sleep.”</p><p>“not hard,” Benrey started moving his jaw as he spoke since the tendons were back to do so. “just gotta..gotta close your eyes and go limp. tell yourself stories and stuff. replay dragon quest 6 in your brain hole.”</p><p>“That’s not how it works but fine. If you like it, go ahead. Not like you’re doing anything better with your life.”</p><p>Benrey stuck his half-formed tongue out at Forzen, and they both fell into a disgruntled silence.</p><p>--</p><p>Tommy woke up first, but that was normal. He only needed four hours of sleep on a normal day.</p><p>Your display was up, and he waved at it, “Hey stream. Um....if anybody’s there. I’ll be up for a while if you’re tired of watching Benrey and Forzen. I’ll be looking after, um, after our friend, too. Both the, uh, both the guys seem to be outside.”</p><p>Out the broken window, he could see Benrey, back in full form, and Forzen wrestling and yelling insults at each other.</p><p>“A-anyway, how’re things out there? What time is it?”</p><p>The donations were small, a few “bits” which Tommy took to mean “cents”, but they said things.</p><p>“okay, JuicyJuice says it’s 5 in the morning for Gordon, so he won’t be around, and if that’s the case, it’s 4 for friend here? wowie, that’s early.”</p><p>Tommy liked reading out the donations. This seemed fun.</p><p>“Maybe, maybe when, when Gordon figures out a way for us to leave the game for good, maybe I’ll be a streamer, too,” he beams as a donation comes in. “CattleCade46 says.....that they support me! Well thank you! I hope...I hope all your dreams come true! But um, if it’s so early for them, why are you guys still watching?”</p><p>Another donation, “CattleCade again, um....you’re from Europe? Oh right! It’s....Time zones are really far apart! Did anything cool happen while we were sleeping?”</p><p>The next message took a while to pop up, but Tommy didn’t mind waiting. He just watched Benrey and Forzen trying to strangle each other instead.</p><p>“Uh, BartleBattle says that Benrey and Forzen just argued a lot. That sounds right. Benrey...they’ve always been really, um, really mad at Forzen so...yeah. I wish we could talk to you guys like we can talk to Gordon, but....I think we’d better ask, ask our streamer before we do something like that.”</p><p>tapping his finger on the floor, Tommy thought for a moment, “Would, would you guys like to watch me do some tricks? My-my dad taught me some neat stuff wh-when I was, was waiting for the bank heist. I can do slight of hand now.”</p><p>A pack of playing cards came from his pocket and he started doing magic tricks.</p><p>---</p><p>When you woke up, Tommy was chattering out the donation messages and Benrey was....back to normal, even though it seemed he had a black eye. Forzen was standing outside smoking.</p><p>Bubby yanked you up to your feet, “About time. Up you get, lazy good for nothing.”</p><p>“Don’t be so rough, Bubby,” Tommy had been startled out of his reading by you being moved, and you removed yourself from Bubby’s hold to brush yourself off and wake up more. “Good morning, friend!” Yes, best way to wake up was a Tommy hug. You’re glad to hug back, especially since you don’t get a lot of hugs IRL.</p><p>“We’ve got quite a ways to go, not-Gordon, so up and at’em!” Dr. Coomer called from where he was peeking through the broken glass, crouched in the hallway.</p><p>There was a loud yawn from your display, and you hear Gordon’s voice, soft and sleepy, “Good morning, Dr. Coomer. Days, you up?”</p><p>“I’m here, Gordon. Good morning,” You’re comforted that he’s here with you, that you aren’t going on this adventure without a guide.</p><p>“Hi Mr. Freeman!” Tommy lets you go and smiles, “I’ve been, been reading notifications since four this morning! People in Belgium really like listening to me.”</p><p>Your group files out and Benrey leans his head on yours, “yo, both of you guys. you um....you gotta have a, uh, a meal? teal need meal? morning food? food for friend benrey, please?”</p><p>“Oh right...I didn’t even think about breakfast...” you’re worried now. You get very dizzy and miserable if you don’t eat regularly.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I saved many snacks in my coat!” Dr. Coomer pulls a granola bar out of his pocket and hands it to you. “We won’t need to fret ab-Hello, Player!”</p><p>“Hi,” you smile and eat the bar. You also break off half of it and poke Benrey in the nose with it.</p><p>“yo, thank you~” He grabs it with his teeth and skitters away to eat it.</p><p>“Why does coward, won’t-go-outside Benrey get food and I don’t?” Forzen shoved his way back into the room.</p><p>“Because we don’t feed bootlickers, that’s why,” Bubby hissed. “Your precious government can feed you. We won’t.”</p><p>You didn’t think this was a good way to foster commradery with Forzen, but you weren’t awake enough to fight with Bubby about it. And you understood the sentiment more than enough.</p><p>Maybe once you all get moving you’ll be able to make peace.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. emotion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>violence against forzen and gordon getting real with the science team</p>
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    <p>Gordon asked as you walked through parts of the facility, “Forzen, tell me something. You were doing shit while we were wandering around, right? What were you supposed to be DOING anyway?”</p><p>Grumbling, the soldier answered, “Just like you nerds do science shit, I had to do recon. Like, Black Mesa is funded by the military-”</p><p>“AND WIKIPEDIA” Dr. Coomer added.</p><p>“and because it’s got funding, we own its science, yeah?” Forzen glared daggers at Dr. Coomer, “So they sent me in to get all that stuff together for them. I can teleport, so I pop in, get the stuff, pop out, come back for another load. But there’s all these stupid shitty Xen weirdos here, and YOU CLOWNS so I wasn’t able to get much before the whole rest of the military was GONE.”</p><p>“least you’re *smack* being truthful about your powers,” Benrey sniped, but Forzen just rolled his eyes and didn’t answer.</p><p>Gordon, on his side of the screen, nods and eats some more cereal. “That does explain why we kept losing sight of you so much when we chased you down.”</p><p>“Yeah, it was pretty funny when you thought you could actually keep me at gunpoint,” he gives that cruel bark of laughter again and you flinch.</p><p>“S-so the beyblade really wasn’t full of secrets?” Tommy’s brow knit in upset, “You double lied to me?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah, dude. Lying is literally in the military contract, especially for targets for execution,” Forzen did not care if Tommy got upset. You did.</p><p>“I watched the whole first three seasons of the Beyblade anime and I bet I know more about Bitbeasts than you, Forzen!” you don’t know why you’re willing to challenge the wall of muscle on this, but dang it, you would not let anybody hurt Tommy on purpose like that. Not when you felt so close to him.</p><p>“Uh....? You really that much of a weeb?” Forzen snorted back, and Tommy moved slower so his long strides weren’t keeping him ahead of you.</p><p>“D-Did you really? Which team were you on, K-Kai or Rei?”</p><p>“Oh Rei, no question,” you answer, and begin a long discussion about Beyblade in general.</p><p>Gordon laughed in his chair, listening to the talk and watching the confusion on Forzen’s face from the corner of your camera feed. He watched the chat on your stream, now exploding with various links to Beyblade lore pages and such from Gordon’s moderators, his friends Barney and Alyx from his old day job. They were making sure other people could keep up with this strange joint info dump that was going on before they went to work. It definitely kept Gordon’s attention, just hearing how happy Tommy was that someone else could keep up with him on one of his special interests.</p><p>He couldn’t keep his focus, though, and it quickly shifted to the map of Black Mesa he had up. It would take a long time to get to the Lambda labs, and a big red mark on the map made him wince.</p><p>There was no way to avoid it. Every playthrough had to go through the scripted ambush by the military. He just hoped that there would be no hand slicing this time, for Days’ sake and his own. Even if he had come back to a full, normal body, there were times he woke up with his right arm still burning from the flashback-dreams of losing his hand.</p><p>He looked up and noticed Benrey poking Forzen in the head with a severed headcrab leg, shooting black sweet voice right at him.</p><p>Ugh, Benrey. On the one hand, when Gordon reviewed he footage he’d found several points where he’d reacted less than ideally to he strange being. On the other, severed hand, Benrey had caused him lasting mental damage.</p><p>“Ugh, what am i going to do about you, Benrey?”</p><p>The guard turned and just made noise, “BBBBBB”</p><p>“How do you do that above water?” Bubby asked, and Gordon realized he’d said that out loud.</p><p>“Are you going to answer, Benrey, or is that just all I’m getting?” Gordon rubbed his eyes, still waking up.</p><p>“uh...dunno, feetman, what do you wanna do with me? gonna....gonna fall for lil’ ol’ benrey? gaydon feetman?”</p><p>“God, you’re lucky I’m not there to smack you for that,” Gordon sighed and smiled. “you know your stunt in Xen messed me up, dude? like seriously?”</p><p>“uh, yeah, would be sus if you didn’t get, uh, get a little trauma from that. big same honestly cause..cause i didn’t wanna...game made me, uh, made me big angry. like, wouldn’t ever smack my boy tommy if i had a choice. no choice, got stuck in big boss-rey mode.” Benrey had forgotten all about aggravating Forzen in favor of walking backward in front of your camera, looking at the little display of notifications like he’d see Gordon’s face there.</p><p>“Dude!” Gordon felt irritated, “You’re acting like you couldn’t have just not done that! Own up!” His stomach turned thinking that Benrey was trying to get out of what he’d done.</p><p>Gordon couldn’t see the shock on Benrey’s face, but you could. You could see his eyes dart around as his pupils got small and slitted, a few extra eyes opening in the dark shadow of his helmet, “feetman, dude, no, like...i get...i understand you’re steamed but...”</p><p>“Gordon, Xen amplifies negative emotions. Tommy told us this before you came in,” you didn’t want to keep seeing Benrey upset, especially since it was making Forzen grin. You didn’t care if he was Benrey’s brother, you were going to punch him later for enjoying the struggle happening right now. “And if the final boss was glitched, as I’m thinking it was since I looked it up after the stream, the game might have just picked the next most powerful nearby entity. That was Benrey. Everything he’d been holding in till then was multiplied and let loose, so while you have every right to be angry and upset, it wasn’t entirely on Benrey. But I do understand. Right now I might be the....the only person who understands quite so intimately how this feels in here. But you didn’t have a guide.”</p><p>It wasn’t until something dripped off his beard that Gordon realized he’d started crying. “I....It’s still going to take me a really long time to forgive you, though. If ever. Logic brain and trauma brain aren’t on speaking terms a lot.”</p><p>“i know...” hearing Benrey sound so small hurt. Hearing Gordon crying hurt. You just wanted to hug them both.</p><p>“Hugs in chat for Gordon, guys,” You say weakly. “I’d do it myself but I can’t. I can do this, though,” and you stop, wrapping Benrey in your arms. “hugs for friend benrey.”</p><p>Forzen was groaning and saying something about this being stupid, but no. It was not stupid to try and help heal people. Even non-human people.</p><p>“Gordon,” Dr. Coomer’s softer tone came over the monitor, even though the camera was turned in such a way that all the stream could see was Tommy standing to the side, aiming his pistol in increasingly erratic circles, “I can’t imagine how you must feel, and I know the rest of us haven’t done much to help you get over what happened when you went through this....this hell.” He goes through a few moments of trying to say “hello gordon!” again before he can continue, “But as soon as we’re out, we’re going to do our darndest to make things up to you as best we can. If we can at all. I know I feel great shame for what I tried to do; it was desperate and foolish, and I hurt you when you were at your most vulnerable. I’m so deeply sorry, Gordon. It’s not worth much, but I do care about you, and I want to be part of your solutions from now on, instead of your problems.”</p><p>“Can we shut it with the-” Forzen’s voice is cut off with a bang. Sharpshooter Tommy strikes again, even as you scream because you got brain splatter on your hands.</p><p>“O-Oh shit, I’m sorry!” Tommy yelped, cleaning the brains off with his lab coat hem as you shook and looked at the ceiling, “He just...I couldn’t.....Gordon, you deserved to hear it. We all are friends and we love you! Y-You’re worth a lot more th-than a Beyblade, and....and I should have told you that, too!” He also murmured softly to you, “Breathe, friend, I know it’s scary. I’m still scared, too. I think i only do so well b-because of who my dad is. m-makes me stronger but i still a-am afraid. you can make it.”</p><p>There was quiet, but Gordon was doing breathing exercises on one side other screen while you did them on the other, and Bubby was leaning against a wall, silent. Tommy made sure your hands were clean, then gently kissed the back of each, “I-I made it all better, friend. You’re gonna be okay. W-We’ll get you home sooner than a-a monarch butterfly in Mexico!”</p><p>You wished Gordon could see what you saw. Tommy’s expression was so soft, encouraging, caring, and he couldn’t see it. Just like he couldn’t see how quiet and conflicted the others were.</p><p>Gordon wished he could at least stop crying. Joshua would be awake soon...</p>
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